DEAR ABBY: I was adopted at birth. About 30 years ago, I found my birth mother, but our relationship is intermittent and distant. She only recently gave me a name of my biological father. Through DNA testing I have discovered that the name she gave me was incorrect and who he actually was. The confirmation is rock solid with half-sisters and several first cousins located.
My birth mother is 90 now. Should I tell her what I have found out or let it go? All of the direct players in this, except her, have passed on. — TRUTH-TELLER IN TEXAS
DEAR TRUTH-TELLER: How mentally “with it” is your 90-year-old mother? If she’s in the early stages of dementia, what have you to gain by telling her? If she’s sharp as a tack, one has to wonder why she would try to obscure your bio-father’s identity. Was she attempting to protect herself, him or you? Or was she unsure of his identity because she had been raped or was seeing more than one man? These are questions I can’t answer for you.
It shouldn’t create a bombshell if you approach the subject by telling her you have uncovered some information about your biological relatives. If she is interested, tell her everything. If not, let it be.