Arizona Driver License

The Arizona Legislature doesn’t go into session until Monday. But that hasn’t stopped some lawmakers from getting a head start on proposing strange bills.

House Majority Leader Warren Petersen, R-Gilbert, wants to allow residents living in the “border region” to be able to build their own walls around their property without having to get the proper local government permits. He says it will help curtail drug smuggling.

I’d hate to be the code enforcement officer having to deal with that law.

Our own Rep. Mark Finchem, R-Oro Valley, wants to prohibit people from donating private property to the federal government. He says we can’t afford for any more land in Arizona to come off the tax rolls. Not sure if this applies to other non-taxable entities, such as your local church.

I guess taking away property rights is now in vogue.

And then there is Green Valley Democrat Rosanna Gabaldon, who wants a third option on state driver’s licenses for gender classification.

The proposal would permit a choice of “nonbinary” for those who identify as not exclusively male or female. Her bill would make the same option available for state-issued ID cards for those who do not drive.

“These individuals don’t recognize themselves as male or female,” she told Capitol Media Services. Gabaldon said her measure would simply recognize the identity of the people who hold the cards.

“I don’t see it as controversial,” she said.

Well, that’s nice. Because we wouldn’t want our lawmakers doing anything controversial.

Gabaldon also is sponsoring a bill that would require that death certificates reflect the person’s “gender identity.”

Under current law, she said that death certificates do not recognize “the sex that they lived, the lives that they lived. I want it to be reflective of their gender identity.”

Actually, I like the bill as it pertains to the driver’s license, but I don’t think it goes far enough. We should be able to pick the answers to all the categories.

I’ve been trying to lose a few pounds for the last couple of years and I would like to change my weight classification on my license to reflect the weight I want, rather than my actual weight.

As for height, I played basketball in high school and tried in college, but I just wasn’t tall enough. I think if my license indicated I was, say 6-foot-7, that would be better.

As for hair, I have none. So I would want to answer “Hair” with just “yes.”

I’ve also always wanted blue eyes, so a bill allowing me to change the color would be just fine and dandy.

Then, there’s my name.

I’ve always enjoyed Chinese food, but I’m not very good at making it. I think if I had a Chinese name I might be a better Chinese cook. I know this is an ethnic stereotype, but my motives are entirely sincere.

I think Jian Howell has a nice ring to it. Jian means “man of strength,” and I’ve always wanted to be stronger.

Besides, it is just a driver’s license. Not that law enforcement or other government agencies need that information to be accurate. A driver’s license should make us feel good about ourselves.

Hey, and don’t even get me started on the photos. I think glamor shots done by professional fashion photographers would be best.

They could even photoshop in my hair. Make it blond.

So, as a wanna-be 6-7, nonbinary Chinese-American, with blond hair and blue eyes, who makes a mean dish of beef chow mein, I endorse Gabaldon’s bill.

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You can contact Andy Howell at ahowell@pinalcentral.com.

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